I wish I could be a teenager again and blog the way that I used to. I often wrote about this on the old version of this Wonderfilled Issa blog, but yeah. I had so much time as a homeschooler just to rave about football, my favourite shows and computer games, Lord of the Rings and Sherlock – or to share the latest samples of my writing inn poetry or short story form. I miss my Blogspot layout and the stupid little GIFs I shared-
…how I was able to change font colours and font sizes, and I had free rein to act crazy and I didn’t write for anybody but myself and a hypothesised audience (although Misha and Iolo were my readers HAHA).
I was free to write in a beautiful, non-consumer style (LOL) and I remember my lifestyle then which was slower and even more laidback than in Armenia – just waiting in the garage for my dad to bring back guitars from the repair shop while watching the clouds roll by in the blue sky… listening to magpie robins and hearing the occasional car pass by on the street. Or hanging out in my sunlit room, doing a lot of small, creative projects on my maximalist desk, or cutting up newspapers from the past two to three days and finding space for them on my wall to put up with Blu-Tack. aah, sigh.
Ever since I resurrected this blog last year, I’ve been more excited to start over and write once a week, which is a habit I’ve always aimed for since I got the website several years ago. I’ve had a better track record than the past iteration from 2017-2023. I lost my posts on this website from that era (although I have back-ups for most of them), but honestly I’m not that sad because I felt like I was striving all those years to live up to some blogger persona, to somehow act like an established, business-forward blogger – just following formulas of how to write blog posts or putting myself in a box of categories like “lifestyle/travel blogger” – which was actually a stifling mindset.
I do appreciate the guidance I got from people who helped me to write, and it taught me a lot as a writer, but my soul as a blogger was slowly being buried under it. I think I failed to remember how creative expression was a core tenet of my blogging personality since I first started at 12, and how, even if I was writing blog posts in a rigid structure, I should’ve maintained that. But now, I’m rediscovering that joy.
Of course, during my college years it was harder to stay consistent with doling out blog posts because I was sort of writing for a living XD I mean, my major was English and Communications, which involved a heck of a ton of writing. At university, I was wired to write in an academic style, as well as in the journalistic and PR styles when I took my track. Very professional and rule-based styles. I was also bombarded by homework and readings and assignments (AUA is pretty tough), and I was also living under COVID for much of my college journey, so it was hard to focus on writing creatively for the blog.
I find myself having a similar problem these days, but with different reasons. My master’s workload is mostly lighter than my bachelor’s (except for the approaching of deadlines) but it’s fully online for the first year with each class taking three hours (with a short break in between), so I am battling Zoom fatigue and requiring time away from screens (even now I need to take a break because of a slight headache 🙁 okay, I’m back.) I spend the rest of the time volunteering or helping around the house, and soon I’ll be taking on a part-time job.
Anyways, I’ve felt more motivated to write blog posts here, which have turned out to mainly be analyses (of movies, people, experiences, and so on). And of late it’s been populated by Chris Nolan or Chris-adjacent posts HAHA is this what you call a hyperfixation? My problem with my workflow these days is that I tend to write 2,000 words or more, and it’s a pain to edit – it usually takes two or more days. (As I type this, I am on the third day of working on this blog post.) Here I look back at my Blogspot days when I didn’t care so much about the format (and there was a point when I blogged every day! Boy, I miss that.)
And I’ve been really proud of all my posts since I restarted this blog because they expand on themes that I really care about. And I’ve felt I’ve defended them well and shared the thoughts in them pretty clearly. I’ve learned to “kill my darlings” in the revision stage. I’ve had some fully creative stuff too like the Autumn blog and somehow the Villanelle one.
But I’ve also wondered, is blogging now made obsolete because of Instagram – and in my case, LetterboxD? I found that my style of sharing moments of life suits the Finsta style where it’s more convenient and immediate to be able to post my thoughts or my proclivities. I like sharing thoughts on movies too (after all, I’m in film school now), but Letterbox now helps me take care of that. With those very convenient and accessible platforms, I sometimes think, What do I need my blog for?
And not many people read blogs these days, unless they’re looking for a niche topic – but then I remember that I’m not writing for people like my Instagram followers. Yes, I consider an audience as I write my blogs so that I can write more clearly, but the purpose of my blog right now is to be a tool for me to stay disciplined with keeping a writing habit; to give me a break, and to share some helpful and interesting information to whoever’s willing to listen.
I feel too tired these days to think of posts that will specifically create a dialogue, like life lessons (although my Autumn blog did share some imperatives to be less narcissistic on social media or something like that haha), but I lack the motivation to bring them to fruition, to life.
I know my dad would rather I write about those, but honestly, I’m just tired…
Back to the question of whether blogging is obsolete these days: it’s like asking what the future of movie theatres will be in this age of V.O.D.s (streaming platforms). Social media is as quick and easy as turning on a movie on Netflix or Apple TV, where you can pause and play it anytime and anywhere you want. But both watching a film in the theatre and the act of long-form writing are much more thoughtful. Yes, they require more effort and investment from the viewer/reader, but I think there is something rewarding in slowing down to finish something in one sitting with undivided attention.
(And yeah, I was thinking of this Nolan article and the whole debate about whether movie theatres will survive while writing the previous paragraph-)
While writing this post, I even did the first draft by hand because I was feeling distracted trying to write this on my computer, staring at a screen with other tabs open. It has taken more time to copy it here and type it all out, but currently, I feel it’s a better way to get my thoughts flowing and elucidate the topics thoroughly, albeit in a raw and unorganised manner. I have kept it mostly in the original way just so you can see its rawness (or perhaps you won’t :P).
I don’t have any friends (who I’m currently communicating with) who are also keeping their own blogs as I am, so it feels like a dying art to me. I feel privileged to have the time to write, so here I am, utilising that time to type this instead of feeling guilty by comparing myself to friends who wish they could write but are off finishing a law degree or working two jobs…
I write because I find it meaningful and valuable, also because I value the topics I write about in the same way.
